The Embracing Change Series - Rolling with Unexpected Change: Claire's Story

Happy 2013 all!  I’m excited to start off 2013 by returning to our Embracing Change series.

The last two posts in the Embracing Change series have focused on women who sought out change in their own lives.  Today’s post features Claire, a consummate “five-year” planner and academic into whose life walked an unplanned change agent, in the form of a US Naval Officer.  The romance that sparked and blossomed between the PhD and the sailor was not something that Claire had planned on, but after  years of a long-distance courtship, thousands of miles of driving and flying, and hours of phone calls, the two wed down the road from the restaurant where they first met.  And as she tells us below, over the years of courtship and subsequent years of marriage, Claire has learned to loosen her grip on her five-year plan, embrace flexibility, and be open to multiple possibilities for the future.

MF:  Hi Claire!  Thanks for agreeing to be interviewed for this series.  Can you tell our readers a little bit about the change that life presented to you?

I am married to a military officer, and since we’ve been married we’ve moved to a different state every two years.  Our biggest move was in early 2012, when we moved from the Northeast (where I have lived for most of my life) to the Pacific Northwest – a process that involved living in four homes on two coasts over the course of eight months!  

This also meant that I stopped working and taking classes, and came to an area of the country where I did not have any established personal, professional, or academic networks.  I am planning to go back to work, recently obtained my professional state license, and am slowly starting to establish a professional network here.  Still, it’s been a huge adjustment to go from having a full work/school schedule that took up 50+ hours of my week to being a primarily stay at home partner.


Packed up and ready to leave Claire's East Coast home...

...for her new West Coast location.

MF: That’s quite a change!  What strategies do you recommend to deal with changes in your life that you haven’t initiated?

For me, it’s keeping the perspective that it’s not a situation that was thrust upon me without my consent.  I think often times, when a situation isn’t ideal or is limited in its options, it’s easy to see it as “no way out” or feel a bit like a martyr – but in reality, there are options, they just may come with other consequences that are more undesirable. 

If the most important thing for me was to stay in the Northeast, then I could have decided not to move, but that would brought its own consequences such as an unhappy partner, expenses of two living quarters, and potential marital discord.  I would rather be with my husband than suffer the consequences of refusing to move across the country. I chose to marry someone who serves the military, and everyday, I choose to stay in that marriage, which I know comes with many moves.  When I look at it from that big picture, I’m very much an active participant in choosing our lifestyle of change.  And with that as my framework, we are playing the best hand with the cards we were dealt, so to speak.

MF:  That’s a great – and empowering - perspective to have!  As a follow-on to that positive outlook, do you think there can be a silver lining to the unexpected changes life can present?

I think it can help broaden your perspective.  Change inherently shakes up the status quo, and my understanding of what is “normal” becomes wider with each new situation.  I’m also learning to become more flexible in thinking about what the future might hold.

At the same time, I value what remains constant in my life despite the changes: my spouse, who lets me make as many decisions as I can so that I can be an active participant in the change; relatives who welcome us when we manage to be there for holidays and send us cards and gifts when we cannot, so we still feel included no matter what; friends who come visit each time I move to a new place, and friends who aren’t phased by long absences in communication; my cell phone number, which I’ve had now for over a decade (trust me, this is invaluable when you move as often as we do).

MF:  Now, for a little more self-reflection.  Did anything surprise you when you were dealing with/adjusting to the change?

I am terrible with spare time!

Also, apparently, running out of cardboard boxes or misplacing my packing-tape gun is my emotional demise. (That may have been the low point, during the move from house one to house two.)  However, two weeks into being at house three and being nearly unpacked, finding out that we have to move again two weeks later to house four, did not break me.  The take-home? As long as I have the correct tools and supplies, I don’t mind tackling huge tasks.

MF:  Packing-tape gun lessons aside, is there anything you would have done differently?

It’s hard to predict what life will be like when you move somewhere totally unknown - what kind of jobs are available?  What will the commute be like?  Where will you live?  Where will you go for grocery/dry cleaning/auto repair/etc.?  How will you make friends?

A collection of hotel room keys from Claire's cross-country trip.

Even with a lot of research and a few helpful friends giving us advice, we still are finding things that we would do differently if we did had to do this exact move over again.  Our neighborhood is nice, but now that we know the area better, there are other places we’d prefer to live.  (Check in with me in six months to see if we’re moving again when the lease is up…)  There are established means within the military to meet other families, and while it’s not the same as living near close friends, it certainly helps; I’m also slowly getting to know non-military people.  There are projects and trainings I think I could have done while I was working on the east coast, which perhaps would have helped me to start networking professionally out here.  But this is all in hindsight – we only had a couple of months notice before we knew for sure that we were moving to the Northwest, so in reality, there was very little time to do much planning.

MF: What advice do you have for people facing change in their lives?

Know that change, whether it’s good or bad, can be stressful, and don’t give yourself a hard time if you find it to be a challenge.  Sometimes, you might not be happy, or you might find something to be difficult, but it might not necessarily mean that something is “wrong.”

Not being happy, I think, is different from being unhappy – I don’t think the two emotions are mutually exclusive.  As you encounter and become adjusted to change, if you find yourself thinking, “I’m not as happy as I could/want to be,” don’t jump to the conclusion that it means you are unhappy.  Think of it as a process of building back up to a place you want to eventually reach.  And if you are having a bad day, acknowledge it for what it is – one day that didn’t go very well. 



Claire's view from her home office on the East Coast....



...and her view from her home office on the West Coast.

MF: Any other thoughts you’d like to share?

Lest you think that this is an interview where wisdom is being dispensed from someone who embraces the changes with the zen attitude of a Buddha, I assure you that is not the case.  I wish a lot of things were different: that it wasn’t so rainy in this part of the country; that the Northeast wasn’t a six hour flight away; that this town had a Chinese restaurant (No, really. We have Thai, Indian, Japanese, but no Chinese???); that I was still working at my old job, and still taking classes at my old school; that it’s easier to find a job; that someone would fold my laundry; that change wouldn’t be so hard.  But I’ve known people who get stuck in a rut focusing on the change that they didn’t want to happen to them, and experiencing the situation as something they must suffer through; they seem stuck in “I can’t” and “it’s impossible” and “I have to,” and I know that I don’t want to get stuck there.



Many thanks to Claire for sharing her story with us.  If you are in a similar situation as Claire and find yourself dealing with a change you didn't initiate, I hope her message of empowerment inspires you as much as it did me!

xoxo,
MF

Embracing Change - Being your own Change Agent: Lucy’s story

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.  – Helen Keller

Our second post in the Embracing Change series features Lucy, a vivacious Florida native who decided she was tired of her day-to-day status quo and wanted a new experience.  She did what many of us may dream of doing and took on the exhilarating challenge of moving to a new city, far away from her devoted network of friends and family.  

Lucy, who holds dual Masters Degrees in Criminology and Criminal Justice, and Public Policy and Administration, worked in the juvenile justice field for state government in Tallahassee, FL for a little over a year before deciding to move to Washington DC.  Within months of arriving in DC she had found a new job at a prestigious consulting firm, an apartment in a cosmopolitan neighborhood, and started forging new friendships.  She lived in DC for three years before moving back to Florida in December 2011.  Lucy talked with us about trusting your instincts, the importance of a positive outlook, and why it’s hard to beat the beach.

MF:  Hi Lucy!  Thanks for agreeing to be part of this series.  You moved from Tallahassee FL to Washington, DC.  Those cities are not close to each other.  Why did you feel the urge to move? Why DC?

I moved to DC because I wanted a new life experience.  I wanted to move to a city where I knew virtually no one to test my abilities to make it completely on my own, and reinvent myself as a “city” girl.   I also wanted to work on criminal justice policy on a federal level - having worked in state government I felt I would be able to make a bigger impact working in the federal space.  Additionally, there were numerous aspects of my personal life that I was not content with and wanted to change by proxy, and, I had wanted to live in DC for some time!

From top: the iconic GW monument, towering over the mall; traffic entering Georgetown, with the National Cathedral in the distance.

After living in DC for a few years I realized that although I loved the city and the friends I had made there, I wanted to be closer to my family and live by the beach in warmer weather, so I made the decision to move back to Florida.



From top: In Florida with friends and family; the newest addition to Lucy's family.



MF:  Was there a decisive moment that jumpstarted the move, or was it gradual?  If the former, what was it?

My move to DC was precipitated by a series of difficult events in my life, including, unfortunately, violence in the workplace that resulted in an extremely hostile work environment, a car accident in which my car was totaled, and an incident with a person with whom I was in a relationship that broke my heart.  I had wanted to try living somewhere new for a while, and the combination of those events led me to believe it was the right time to make a change.

The change agent herself, on the mall for President Obama’s first inauguration.

The decision to move back to Florida was more of a gradual process during which I came to realize snow boots weren’t for me and the beach year round was much more enticing!  Once I had come to that conclusion I began to research the possibility of moving with my company, looking for new jobs, and deciding where in Florida I wanted to live. When I sorted that out, I packed my things up and was on my way home to Florida.

Lucy back home on her beloved beach with friends.

 

MF:  How long did it take you to make the move to DC, once you decided you were ready?

The move to DC, from decision time to a packed car on the road, was about a week and a half to two weeks. I handed in my resignation letter at work and used my accumulated PTO to plan and get ready for my move. I told my significant other it was time I move on; I was tired of waiting for things to change between us and that the status of our “relationship” was unacceptable. I sold anything that I could part with, had an awesome last night in Tallahassee with my friends, and hit the road.

Once I decided to move back to Florida, I moved within a few months.  At that point, I had more invested in my career and knew that it would no longer be as easy, or financially intelligent, to quit my job and move without having a new position.  I also wanted to savor the city I had come to love before leaving, so I made sure to spend lots of time with friends, eat at restaurants I had always wanted to try, and leave no happy hour unvisited!  I left knowing I had experienced a lot (though certainly not all) of what DC had to offer!

MF:   What challenges did you face in trying to make the change, and how did you deal with them?

When moving to DC I moved within such a short time frame that I did not have my own place to live (thankfully my cousin and his wife took me in!), I did not have a job, I knew very little about the area, and I did not have much of a reserve saved up to move and support myself.  I had to believe that everything would work out.

I’m not going to say I never missed Florida, never missed my friends or family, never thought I had made a huge mistake, and I am definitely not going to say I never wanted to turn around and run right back home, but a bigger part of me was excited each day I woke up in this new city.  I took one day at a time, and tried my best not to get discouraged.  There were days I had to dig deep to stay positive, and there were certainly days where I am sure Trader Joe’s Two Buck Chuck is the only thing that got me through, but I persevered and in the end was rewarded with a great job, awesome friends, and amazing experiences!

From top: Van Gogh meets DC during cherry blossom season...and the real thing.

When moving back to Florida I had no idea where I wanted to live, and I needed to determine how I would manage my career in the difficult economy while moving and making decisions about my personal life.   I was lucky enough to work for a company that supports non-traditional work schedules.  I was also able to find a project that allowed me to travel for work, which meant that my home base could be moved back to Florida with minimal impact to my job. 

From top: Florida beaches are hard to beat; the view from Lucy's apartment.

MF:   Did anything surprise you in this process?

Although I trusted that things would work out the whole time, in both instances, I was a little surprised at how easily everything fell together. In DC I was able to find a job in a month and a half, I was able to move into my own apartment after a couple of months, I made some of the most amazing friends of my life, and I discovered and fell in love with a new city.  When moving to Florida I wanted it to work so I found a way for it to work. I looked for opportunities that would allow me to move and knew not to rush the timeline.

I was also a bit surprised at the resistance I encountered from some people in my life. I think others were more scared that things wouldn’t work out than I was and were inclined to try and protect me.  But at the end of the day while others may have many opinions on how you should live your life, only you have the final say – it’s your life! Happiness is fleeting, so take every opportunity to manifest happiness for yourself.  Hopefully, those in your life will smile and support you or at least keep mum if they don’t!  

MF:  Anything you would have done differently?

I’m not sure I would have done much differently. These experiences have shaped who I am today, but I can admit that more thorough planning would have made each process much smoother.

MF:  What advice do you have for people considering making a similar change in their lives?

Overall, I would say that you should trust your gut. If your instincts are telling you that you need to make a change, then I think you should listen to that.  The fear of the unknown can seem overwhelming and make it hard to initiate change, but I found that everything comes together once that precipitous first step is taken.

On a practical point, in today’s economy it is important to remain flexible and think outside the box as much as possible when making a move that affects your employment.  Review all your options – can you work with your employer to modify your workload, schedule, status, and/or locale?  If so, determine what option makes the most sense for your end goal.  Be sure to present how this change would be beneficial to your employer (you will be more productive, you will save resources by working from home, you will be able to tap a new market, etc) – make it a win-win situation. Employers will be more likely to accept your proposal if there is a benefit for them as well. Make sure to do market research and have a solid plan and definite decision (no matter the outcome) before approaching anyone in your company.

MF:  Any other thoughts you’d like to share?

Change is a necessary part of life. We may not be able to control what changes happen to us, but we are always in control of how we approach it and handle it!  Positivity and knowing that you have the strength to handle whatever change is presented to you are paramount – face the change in your life with the right attitude and I believe the result will be nothing short of your own manifestation of destiny.

Sunsets in DC (top) and Florida (bottom.)

Thanks to Lucy for sharing her story - and beautiful photos - with us.  For those of you contemplating making a similar change in your life, I hope Lucy's experiences inspire you to take that leap of faith!

xoxo,
MF

Embracing Change - Being your own change agent: Adriane's story

Our inaugural post in the Embracing Change series focuses on being a change agent in your own life.  Today’s post features Adriane, a successful financial industry professional who decided to open The Goose and the Hound, an online shop specializing in vintage wrapping paper, greeting cards and other paper goods.  

 

 

Adriane spoke with me about the process of initiating this change in her life, and what she’s found to be the challenges and rewards.  Here’s what she had to say:

 

MF: Welcome Adriane!  I love your shop.  Tell us a little bit about what this change has been like for you.

I opened The Goose and The Hound in September 2012.  I work a full time job in finance – my work day starts at 6:45am and ends at 7pm.  Since the shop has opened, I’m getting even less sleep than before - I stay up 2 hours later than I normally would just to work on the shop - but I feel great, and filled with accomplishment the next day.  It’s shown me that even if you have a busy schedule, you can make time for the things you really want to do.

I've so enjoyed this experience that I’m expanding my storefront!  In the next few months I will be opening a second shop selling decorative vintage book sets.

MF:  Good for you! You have a busy life – why did you add this challenge?  What drove you to open The Goose and The Hound?

I needed a hobby!  I grew up pouring my heart and soul into horseback riding but after college that part of my life ended due to constraints on time and money, as well as a very sick horse.  Since horses are not in the cards anytime soon I needed to find something to occupy my time. My husband and I love sporting clays and skeet shooting but that can become an expensive sport if you are trying to do it every weekend.

I also wanted to increase my general level of happiness.  It’s that not that I was unhappy, I just needed to remind myself that I couldn’t rely on others to provide me with fun and entertainment all the time.  I had to respect my husband’s desire to have some of his own time to unwind.  On the weekends most of my time is spent photographing and looking for inventory. The best photos are taken outside in natural light so I can’t really do the shooting during the week. During the week in the evenings I spend time listing each item I’ve photographed as well as packing up orders. I go to the post office before work each day but will soon buy my postage and pre made shipping labels online which will be a time saver.

 

Some of G&H’s inventory - pretty vintage paper. From top: Petite Red and Gold Christmas Poinsettia by Gibson; Monochrome Green Bells By Lady Clair; A Snowy Christmas Hamlet.

MF:  Was there a key moment when you decided to open The Goose and The Hound, or was it a more gradual decision? 

The idea for the shop popped into my head one day as I was browsing online. I realized that I could run a profitable shop after enough of my own online shopping… err…”research.”  I am intrigued by people’s buying habits and really owe a lot to my mom who has a great knack for knowing what people love and what would sell.  She has a vast knowledge of art, fine jewelry, glass and china, and general vintage/antique collectible items, so she’s been a great inspiration!

It took about a week for the shop to go from being a thought to a reality.  It happened rapidly because it was something I was excited about and I had help from a supportive husband.  I have a quick trigger when it comes to shopping so buying inventory for the shop was easy.

 MF: What challenges did you face in making this exciting change, and how did you deal with them?

My biggest challenge, quite literally, was storage space. Our apartment has been turned upside down with my inventory but I am confident I can get it under control! 

I faced a bit of fear in general before I actually went live with the shop. I had questions like: What if I don’t succeed financially? What if I am stuck with inventory? What if customers aren’t satisfied?  However, I didn’t let these fears stop me - I reminded myself that I would never get the answers to these questions unless I tried. 

 
A little bit of planning helped to calm my fears - I did enough research to know that the shop would be profitable.  If I end up with inventory that doesn’t sell it’s all useful stuff I like, so it won’t be the end of the world!   I’ve also had the experience of selling on Ebay, and have a firm philosophy of treating customers the way I want to be treated.  Overall, I have confidence in my abilities to provide excellent customer service and make The Goose and The Hound successful.

A glimpse into the life of a shop owner. From top:  a work station – under the free return address labels are custom forms – G&H ships worldwide!; a selection of stock being processed; and business is good as evidenced by the packages coming in and out of G&H.

 

MF: Did anything surprise you in this process?

 

A nice surprise was how supportive and encouraging friends and family were!  So many people said they admired my entrepreneurial spirit and commended me on the commitment of opening my own shop.

 

Processing and filling orders the way I feel they should be completed, with freebies and hand written notes, takes a lot more time that I expected.  I manage that challenge by setting expectations for myself and giving myself nights off to relax and recharge.

 

I also think there are challenges to come. I didn’t plan on opening right around the holiday season but sales have been great because of it. I think they will drop off in a big way after the major holiday rush, especially in the summer. I will have to think of ways to re-brand and evolve then if I want to keep the profits flowing.

 

MF:  Looking back on these past few months, is there anything would you have done differently?

 

I would have done a bit more financial planning.  Off the cuff research told me I could make a profit but it took me 3 weeks to put together inventory and profit tracking systems.

 

I also realized that I needed to set budgets and policies for acquiring inventory. Those guidelines have to be set or you could end up in trouble by overspending or just constantly buying any potential inventory you come across.

G&H’s retro-fabulous cards.  From Top: Trim a Tree with Santa; Wrapping it Up with Kitty; Belle of the Ball.  All cards by Colortone Originals, Inc.

 

  MF: What advice do you have for people considering making a change?

 

If you are making a voluntary change, make it for something you love doing, because you will always make time for things you love.  And if you love what you’re doing, it will make all the challenges - like the time commitment, the unexpected obstacles, and the fear of failure – bearable.

 

Some people have told me that when I have kids I won’t have the time for the shop, especially if I am still working full time.  But, I think I will still be doing this in some form, even if it’s on a smaller scale.  If I still love running this shop, I will still be plugging along.

You also have to be sure that you’re making the change for yourself.  While my husband has been very supportive of this change, I would have done it even without his support, because I opened The Goose and The Hound for myself. 

You also have to be willing to be steadfast and flexible if the change you’ve made doesn’t go your way or as expected. It’s good to have goals, but be realistic in your expectations, and consider setting the bar low at first. You'll feel so much better in the long run when you exceed your own expectations!

 

MF:  Thanks for taking the time to speak with us Adriane!  We wish you continued success with The Goose and The Hound, and look forward to seeing your new venture in the coming months!
 

Thank you!

 

Anyone who wants to learn more about Adriane and her shop can find more information in the "About" on her shop's page.  I’m also excited to announce that Modern Femme readers can use the code MFCOUPON for 15% off any purchase at The Goose and The Hound!!

 

xoxo,

MF