Modern Femme loves....Impulse shopping!!

In approximate 46 hours, Mr. MF, Bebe, and I will be winging our way towards a tropical Caribbean paradise.  This will be the first vacation I've been on since Bebe was born (my last holiday was summer of 2011!), and the first trip out of the country for Bebe.  Mr. MF and I are so excited for some time off, we are practically salivating. 

Yesterday I impulsively let my excitement drive me straight into the arms of H&M, Forever 21, and Zara, where I careened madly from one rack to another, looking for some white capris.  But, as I often do, I allowed my imagination to take over, and inevitably snapped up some additional pieces along the way that I simply had to have for my holiday. For fun, I thought I'd share with you all what went through my mind with each potential purchase, and give you the final "take home or leave in store" verdict:

I start at Forever 21, tearing through the store on a wild goose chase, looking for white pants.  One sales associate tells me "they're on the top floor," where I run into this cardigan:


MF thought process:  "Oh, wow, that's so cute.  It kind of looks like a Chanel jacket.  I would wear this on the way to the Caribbean, over a tee shirt and skinny jeans, and with cute flats.  Very Gwyneth Paltrow.  Yes, I can see it now - I'll be browsing through a magazine kiosk in the departure gate with Bebe in my arms, in this Chanel-lite ensemble, my hair pulled back in a cheeky-messy bun, diamond studs flashing in my ears, and just be the cutest mum ever."

Final verdict:  Looks cute on!  Chanel for the win!  Take home.





Still no white pants to be found on the top floor.  I see this dress on my way to flag down a sales associate. 
 
MF thought process:  "This reminds me of Aureta Thomollari.  I can totally see her wearing something like this with gold sunglasses and glossy pink lips.  It would look so cute on during a day of wandering through the island's market town!  I would channel Aureta's effortless, globetrotting glamour!"

Final verdict:  Uhhh...can't figure out how to put it on.  Interior slip's straps are tangled, leaving me caught up and confused as to which end is up.  My patience wears out - if I can't get the dang thing on after two tries, it's not worth it.  Also, in the harsh light of the dressing room, the print begins to look a little less like Aureta and a little more like Snooki.  Leave in store.

Am told by sales associate that the white pants are in the basement.  No luck there either, but I do glimpse this beaded shift on my way down, no it's not a total loss: 


MF thought process:  "Hello you pretty thing!  This is a perfect shift to wear to a celebratory birthday dinner in the tropics!  The beading makes the dress - I could wear this with white patent sandals, a glossy lip, tanned skin, wavy hair and lots of gold jewelry.  Sharon Stone in Casino meets Jackie O.  Love it!"

Final verdict:  I want this to work, but it's a shapeless mess.  Bags at arm holes, lists around thighs. Sharon and Jackie would not approve.  Leave in store.







I dart to the check out line, both to put myself ahead of the throng headed for the registers and also out of temptation's reach.  But F21 gets me again!  I see this quilted pouch and dive for it before being called to a cashier. 


MF thought process:  "Ohhhhh quilted.  Ohhh patent leather.  I needed something to hold the boys and my passports, and this chic pouch is defnitely big enough to hold all three of them and our airline tickets.  Plus, it's nice and slim, and would look so cosmopolitan peeking out of my Longchamp bag!"

Final verdict:  Take home slam dunk.  Handed over to cashier in a nano-second.







Still unsuccessful in my quest to secure white pants, I head across the street to H&M.  Hey, I'm nothing if not thorough, right?  I fare no better there, but before I give up I am drawn to the shoe rack (like a horse to water), where I see these beauties:


MF thought process:  "Neon pink patent leather ballet flats!  Where have you been all my life? I could wear you on the island with a pair of shorts and a long sleeved striped tee.  OR - I could wear these in the airport on the way home, with a pair of cuffed jeans and a blue striped sweater with gold buttons.  Either way, these shoes were meant to be mine! MY LIFE IS COMPLETE."

Final verdict:  No size 9 shoes.  Wailing insues.  Leave - sob - in store.

Final stop - Zara. I somehow immeadiately find the one pair of white capris they have left, and with laser like focus, try them on.  They fit!  Success! 

So, just to recount, in order to buy a pair of white pants, I went through two dresses, one sweater, one travel pouch, and one - sob - pair of neon pink ballet flats.  I think that's a reasonable process, don't you? 

xoxo,
MF

A Modern Femme commute

Had to share the photo I snapped on my way to work...love that some modern femme commutes to work at the stodgy World Bank on this whimsical bike every morning!

xoxo,
MF

Full disclosure series: The power of choices

Y'all.  I promised you that I would be keeping it real here on Modern Femme.  And let me tell you:

1.  I haven't made my bed in weeks - and the worst part is that I don't care.  Not because I no longer care about the divine pleasure of crisp and perfumed sheets, but because I'm too dang tired. 

2.  Since Mr. MF finished our basement, we've been eating tv in front of the television more often than not...we used to eat at the dining room table with place mats and cloth napkins and candles.  Like grown-ups.

3.  Laundry is my nemesis and never. seems. to. be. done.

4.  I can't find my bluetooth headset.  No idea where it went.  It grew legs and walked away.  This is annoying because I talk to my mother every morning and this morning had to hold the phone to my ear while balancing an umbrella, a glowing green smoothie and two bags on my walk to work.

5.  Work.  Ugh.


I could go on...but I'm going to stop there.  No one likes a big whiner.

You know what?  Maybe, in stopping there, I'll take a step back and look at the story I just told you all.  Those five points are definitely a "glass half empty" view on my day-to-day.   I wonder, what if I flipped my perspective?  What if, instead of complaining and being a victim of my life, I presented the above situations as the results of choices I've made? After all, as Claire said in her Embracing Change post, you always have a choice:

1.  For the past few weeks, I've made the choice to sleep in an extra 10 minutes in a warm toasty bed, instead of making the bed. 

2. I make the choice at night to eat dinner out of a bowl on the couch with my husband, laughing together at bad tv, enjoying our new family room, rather than sitting down at the dining room table. 

3.  Maybe laundry never seems to be done because I'm always doing a load of laundry, since the washer and dryer are easily accessible from our new family room.  But, I haven't run out of undergarments, and I always have clean clothes for Bebe.  I'm just choosing to look at it as a glass-half empty situation.

4.  I made the (foolish) choice to absent-mindedly stash my bluetooth somewhere obscure, and I keep making the choice to not tear the house apart looking for it.  Instead, I often opt for another glass of wine and television surfing with the hubs, which, let's be honest, is a nicer way to unwind than hunting high and low for a small earpiece.

5.  This is the biggest choice that I make, over and over again, everyday.  I choose to come into a job that I know that I've grown out of, that doesn't capitalize on my talents, and that leaves me drained.  I make a choice to complain about it instead of proactively doing something about it.  I make a choice to shy away from considering what I might really want to do, because of my nasty inner critic's monologue (you might be familiar with it "it won't work...stay with what's safe...you'd never be good at that...you'd hate that eventually...).  But in knowing this, I am in control of this situation, and I need my next choice to be what I'm going to do to change it.

Wow.  That was really powerful for me, guys.  I started this blog post feeling sorry for myself, but now I'm feeling a little more empowered.  I think I'm onto something here.  Thanks Claire!

Imperfectly yours,
xoxo,
MF

The Embracing Change Series - Rolling with Unexpected Change: Claire's Story

Happy 2013 all!  I’m excited to start off 2013 by returning to our Embracing Change series.

The last two posts in the Embracing Change series have focused on women who sought out change in their own lives.  Today’s post features Claire, a consummate “five-year” planner and academic into whose life walked an unplanned change agent, in the form of a US Naval Officer.  The romance that sparked and blossomed between the PhD and the sailor was not something that Claire had planned on, but after  years of a long-distance courtship, thousands of miles of driving and flying, and hours of phone calls, the two wed down the road from the restaurant where they first met.  And as she tells us below, over the years of courtship and subsequent years of marriage, Claire has learned to loosen her grip on her five-year plan, embrace flexibility, and be open to multiple possibilities for the future.

MF:  Hi Claire!  Thanks for agreeing to be interviewed for this series.  Can you tell our readers a little bit about the change that life presented to you?

I am married to a military officer, and since we’ve been married we’ve moved to a different state every two years.  Our biggest move was in early 2012, when we moved from the Northeast (where I have lived for most of my life) to the Pacific Northwest – a process that involved living in four homes on two coasts over the course of eight months!  

This also meant that I stopped working and taking classes, and came to an area of the country where I did not have any established personal, professional, or academic networks.  I am planning to go back to work, recently obtained my professional state license, and am slowly starting to establish a professional network here.  Still, it’s been a huge adjustment to go from having a full work/school schedule that took up 50+ hours of my week to being a primarily stay at home partner.


Packed up and ready to leave Claire's East Coast home...

...for her new West Coast location.

MF: That’s quite a change!  What strategies do you recommend to deal with changes in your life that you haven’t initiated?

For me, it’s keeping the perspective that it’s not a situation that was thrust upon me without my consent.  I think often times, when a situation isn’t ideal or is limited in its options, it’s easy to see it as “no way out” or feel a bit like a martyr – but in reality, there are options, they just may come with other consequences that are more undesirable. 

If the most important thing for me was to stay in the Northeast, then I could have decided not to move, but that would brought its own consequences such as an unhappy partner, expenses of two living quarters, and potential marital discord.  I would rather be with my husband than suffer the consequences of refusing to move across the country. I chose to marry someone who serves the military, and everyday, I choose to stay in that marriage, which I know comes with many moves.  When I look at it from that big picture, I’m very much an active participant in choosing our lifestyle of change.  And with that as my framework, we are playing the best hand with the cards we were dealt, so to speak.

MF:  That’s a great – and empowering - perspective to have!  As a follow-on to that positive outlook, do you think there can be a silver lining to the unexpected changes life can present?

I think it can help broaden your perspective.  Change inherently shakes up the status quo, and my understanding of what is “normal” becomes wider with each new situation.  I’m also learning to become more flexible in thinking about what the future might hold.

At the same time, I value what remains constant in my life despite the changes: my spouse, who lets me make as many decisions as I can so that I can be an active participant in the change; relatives who welcome us when we manage to be there for holidays and send us cards and gifts when we cannot, so we still feel included no matter what; friends who come visit each time I move to a new place, and friends who aren’t phased by long absences in communication; my cell phone number, which I’ve had now for over a decade (trust me, this is invaluable when you move as often as we do).

MF:  Now, for a little more self-reflection.  Did anything surprise you when you were dealing with/adjusting to the change?

I am terrible with spare time!

Also, apparently, running out of cardboard boxes or misplacing my packing-tape gun is my emotional demise. (That may have been the low point, during the move from house one to house two.)  However, two weeks into being at house three and being nearly unpacked, finding out that we have to move again two weeks later to house four, did not break me.  The take-home? As long as I have the correct tools and supplies, I don’t mind tackling huge tasks.

MF:  Packing-tape gun lessons aside, is there anything you would have done differently?

It’s hard to predict what life will be like when you move somewhere totally unknown - what kind of jobs are available?  What will the commute be like?  Where will you live?  Where will you go for grocery/dry cleaning/auto repair/etc.?  How will you make friends?

A collection of hotel room keys from Claire's cross-country trip.

Even with a lot of research and a few helpful friends giving us advice, we still are finding things that we would do differently if we did had to do this exact move over again.  Our neighborhood is nice, but now that we know the area better, there are other places we’d prefer to live.  (Check in with me in six months to see if we’re moving again when the lease is up…)  There are established means within the military to meet other families, and while it’s not the same as living near close friends, it certainly helps; I’m also slowly getting to know non-military people.  There are projects and trainings I think I could have done while I was working on the east coast, which perhaps would have helped me to start networking professionally out here.  But this is all in hindsight – we only had a couple of months notice before we knew for sure that we were moving to the Northwest, so in reality, there was very little time to do much planning.

MF: What advice do you have for people facing change in their lives?

Know that change, whether it’s good or bad, can be stressful, and don’t give yourself a hard time if you find it to be a challenge.  Sometimes, you might not be happy, or you might find something to be difficult, but it might not necessarily mean that something is “wrong.”

Not being happy, I think, is different from being unhappy – I don’t think the two emotions are mutually exclusive.  As you encounter and become adjusted to change, if you find yourself thinking, “I’m not as happy as I could/want to be,” don’t jump to the conclusion that it means you are unhappy.  Think of it as a process of building back up to a place you want to eventually reach.  And if you are having a bad day, acknowledge it for what it is – one day that didn’t go very well. 



Claire's view from her home office on the East Coast....



...and her view from her home office on the West Coast.

MF: Any other thoughts you’d like to share?

Lest you think that this is an interview where wisdom is being dispensed from someone who embraces the changes with the zen attitude of a Buddha, I assure you that is not the case.  I wish a lot of things were different: that it wasn’t so rainy in this part of the country; that the Northeast wasn’t a six hour flight away; that this town had a Chinese restaurant (No, really. We have Thai, Indian, Japanese, but no Chinese???); that I was still working at my old job, and still taking classes at my old school; that it’s easier to find a job; that someone would fold my laundry; that change wouldn’t be so hard.  But I’ve known people who get stuck in a rut focusing on the change that they didn’t want to happen to them, and experiencing the situation as something they must suffer through; they seem stuck in “I can’t” and “it’s impossible” and “I have to,” and I know that I don’t want to get stuck there.



Many thanks to Claire for sharing her story with us.  If you are in a similar situation as Claire and find yourself dealing with a change you didn't initiate, I hope her message of empowerment inspires you as much as it did me!

xoxo,
MF

Drum Roll Please....My 2013 Personal Goals!

Hello my dears and happy Friday!  I don't know about where you are, but it's colder than a witch's heart here.  But this cold can't keep me down - after weeks of consideration, I'm excited and ready to share my 2013 goals with you guys! 

You might remember that in November I spoke about my goal setting process.  I've spent the last two months thinking about my personal development in 2013, and here are the goals I've come up with, in broad strokes:   

1. Fitness:  Maintain and increase my physical exercise. Incorporate more vegetables, fruits, lean proteins and whole grains into my (and my family's) daily consumption.
2. Career:  Strengthen my skill set by taking continuing education classes.  Look for a new career opportunity.
3. Intellectual:  Read more non-fiction books and watch more documentaries.
4. Cultural:  Take Bebe to museums and kid-friendly events.  Take some family weekend trips.
5. Spiritual:  Attend church regularly.  Volunteer with my church.
6. Wild Card:  Month of Glam project, as inspired by the lovely Dita Von Teese!

Now, that sounds all well and good, but we're not stopping there.  I've unpacked those broad goals using the SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely) filter:

Fitness:  Walk 2+ miles every weekday.  Do 45 - 60 minutes of yoga once a week. Consume two additional cups of vegetables and fruits at least 3 days a week, through such mediums as the Glowing Green Smoothie.  Cook with whole grains such as quinoa and brown rice at least twice a week. Cook fish once a month.  Drink at least 64 ounces of water during a weekday, and at least 32 ounces of water on a weekend-day. 

Career:  Write a statement of intent describing my desired next position in my professional community of practice. Take at least two professional classes this calendar year. Check twice a week (Monday and Friday) on job-post forums to see if any new opportunities match my statement.  Apply as appropriate.

Intellectual:  Read at least two non-fiction books this year (possible candidates: Bringing Up Bebe, The Omnivore's Dilemma).  Watch at least four documentaries.

Cultural:  Take Bebe out to at least one museum or kid-friendly event every month. Plan two weekend overnight trips (one in winter/spring, and one in summer) to areas within a three-hour drive from our house.

Spiritual:  Attend at least two church services every month.  Volunteer with my church at least once this year to cook meals for the homeless.

Wild Card:  Undertake and document the Month of Glam project in May 2013. 

Do you see what a difference it makes to get really specific about your goals?  When I apply the SMART filter to my original goals, I go from well-intentioned but vague statements to specific and measurable action items.  Now, of course, the challenge is to implement them! 

I will be entering reminder alerts into my iPhone and work calendars to remind me of some of these action points.  Putting a specific date (such as May for the Month of Glam project), also helps to solidify and target a goal that might have otherwise gotten pushed off over and over again throughout the year. 

What do you think of my goals?  And what goals have you set for yourselves in this new year?

xoxo,
MF

P.S. Am excited to announce that the next posting in the Embracing Change series will be going up next week!  Stay tuned!!

Winter minimalist

Saw a Modern Femme walking at a fast clip through the Metro this morning.  Her blond hair fell in a straight line down her back.  Her patent leather flats (and bare ankles) flashed defiantly through the cold morning air.  Loved her bag most of all - the white body and black handles drew my eye, and its simple lines echoed the sleek minimalism of her outfit.  She looked like an ice princess, ready to tackle the dragons waiting for her at work. 

 

Happy new year, my dears!

 

Winter minimalist by modernfemme featuring dooney & bourke