Modern Femme's Morning Must-Haves

My weekday mornings have become a bit of a blur.  In pre-Bebe days, I could take my time getting ready, rising early so that I could enjoy a leisurely bowl of yogurt with granola and fruit, then tidying up the house before getting dressed for the day.  In post-Bebe days, my morning routine has been paired down to the core essentials, aimed at getting me out the door in 30 minutes or less.

To that end, here are the top personal care products that I have to have nearby every morning, or woe to the world:

Hairdryer.  I will not leave the house with wet hair.  Wet hair is the professional woman's enemy.  It will ruin any effort put into assembling a tailored outfit, carefully applied makeup, and coordinating accessories - because if your hair is wet, that will be all I notice.  And the impression it leaves me with is that you either irresponsibly overslept and are running very late, or you simply don't care - neither of which are desirable impressions for a professional woman to make, n'est pas? 

Conair's Cord-Keeper.  Perfect for Chez MF's smaller bathroom.

Here is my suggestion for those modern femmes who find hair-dryers to be a nuisance:  instead of blow-drying every single strand, focus on drying the roots of your hair and those sections framing your face.  Once you've given those areas a concentrated blast, give the top layer of your hair a quick once-over with the dryer, then pull everything back into a bun or chignon. Presto!  You look pulled together, and no one will be the wiser that the undersides and ends of your hair are still damp.  (I can personally attest to this method, as it is one that I am known to employ myself.)

Concealer.  I am now facing the indignity of emerging wrinkles rubbing elbows with blemishes on my once-youthful face.  Is there no fairness in the world?

Bobbi Brown's foundation stick is MF's best friend.

Thank goodness for Bobbi Brown.  Time may not be on my side, but Bobbi is.

Eyelash curler.  Makeup gurus everywhere sing its praises, and for good reason.  Curled eyelashes make your eyes look bigger and therefore make you look more awake - a necessity for any overworked female (or male!) professional in the morning.  Two quick pumps to each set of lashes and a swipe of mascara, and you're done.

The trusty sidekick of any MF in the know.

Fan brush.  I only recently bought one of these brushes and now I wonder how I muddled along without it.

The fan brush is just as attractive to look at as it to use.

A quick dab into your blush and a feathery stroke across your cheekbone, and voila! The brush's shape helps to distribute the powder - concentrated in the center, diffuse at the ends - in a most flattering way.  I like to use blush with a bit of shimmer to it, for an extra glow.

Lip Balm.  I cannot abide dry lips.  I may be guilty of eschewing lipstick on in the morning, but the Chapstick goes on before anything else.

These are squirrelled away all around Chez MF.

Perfume.  I have fond schoolgirl memories of my mother hugging me goodbye each morning on her way to work.  Besides the lasting impression her smart suits and Ferragamo pumps left on me, I will always recall how her perfume - Caleche by Hermes - would envelope me in a comforting cloud. 

MF's signature fragrance.

My preferred fragrance is Coco Mademoiselle, followed closely by Ralph Lauren's Safari.  A lady should always leave an impression, no?

There are, of course, other products that I use in conjunction with the above in the morning, but these six are non-negotiable.  What about you, dear readers?  What are your weekday morning must-haves?

xoxo
MF

Modern Femme loves...all things Martha

We all know I am a Martha devotee, but even I couldn't help but laugh at myself this morning as I unpacked my breakfast and lunch at my desk. 

Do I own enough of Martha's products (and these are just the ones at work, mind you)?   From left to right: Martha's Sistema breakfast and lunch caddies, Martha's Avery Home Office file folders, Discbound notebook, and assorted Martha Stack and Fit desk accessories.

All hail the queen.
xoxo
MF

Modern Homme: Celebrating Father's Day with Style

I don't know about you, dear readers, but I have always found Father's Day to be a particular challenge.  My first challenge, shamefully, is to remember that it even takes place, coming as quickly as it does on the glittering heels of Mother's Day.    (Ahem, Father's Day 2013 is on Sunday, June 16th.  But I'm sure you knew that.) 

My second and more perplexing challenge is what to get dear old Dad.  The typical trifecta of Father's Day gifts (Golf - BBQ- Power Tools) certainly does not lend itself to my father's interests.  And while Mr. MF certainly enjoys a good home renovation project, I am disinclined to celebrate him with yet another impersonal Home Depot gift card.

In an effort to break out of my cycle of forgetfulness and gift-less-ness, I've been hunting through the inter webs for fun, stylish Father's Day gifts.  Here is what I've found so far:

The Hobbyist


Lego's Architecture series' White House.  Photo by same.

 Who doesn't love Legos?  Lego's Architecture series, designed for the 12+ crowd, includes the White House, the Space Needle, the Sydney Opera House, and Fallingwater, among many others.  The final product is small enough to be displayed on a desk or bookshelf.

Frescobol Carioca Lopes Mendes Set.  Photo by MSO.

For those fathers who enjoy some backyard sport, this Frescobol Carioca "Lopes Mendes" set would make a handsome addition to the rec kit.


The Gourmand

Olympic Provisions Salami of the Month Club.  Photo by MSO.

A salami of the month club is a fun novelty - and a perfect way to make Dad feel appreciated over the course of a year!

Home Brew Kit from Uncommon Goods.  Photo by same.

Artisanal and micro-brews are everywhere now - perhaps your guy would like to try his hand at making his own limited edition batch of suds with a home brewing kit.


The Sentimentalist

Metalmorphis' Silver Keychains.  Photo by same.

These sterling silver keychains with a younger family member's artwork would be a swell gift for a father who wears his heart on his sleeve.

Photo by MSO.

Or even better, have your little ones customize a notepad for Dad to use.  This would be an excellent gift for grandfathers as well.

My search for stylish Father's Day ideas continues - keep track of my finds on my Father's Day Pinterest Board.  And, as always, do share any gift ideas you might have with me in the comments!

xoxo to fathers everywhere and us that love 'em, 
MF

The Modern Femme (does NOT) love...Charitable House Calls

Dear Charities:

I understand that you are striving to make the world a better place, whether it is for children, animals, ecosystems, or social causes.  As a former not-for-profit employee myself, I understand that you operate on slender budgets, and rely on the largesse of the public to see the value of your cause, and to help you do your good work through donations. I understand that public outreach is needed to both spread your message and solicit contributions.  But listen to me closely here, because I have had enough. 

Stop coming to my home to ask for money.  It is inappropriate, it is presumptuous, and it is often a damned inconvenience.

Ding dong, annoyance calling.

In the last few months, my doorbell has been rung more than once by these donation-seeking pavement pounders.  As someone living in a city, I'm used to the occasional shyster coming to my door, peddling a slick deal. But what I cannot abide is someone seeking to guilt me into cleaning up our waterways, or sending a child in poverty to school.  And what especially sends me into a lather is that these people have no compunction about ringing your doorbell at dinner time, demanding to speak with you, and attempting to continue the conversation when you've indicated you are not interested. 

Here's what happened to me last night:
  
Scene:  6:30 pm, Weeknight.  MF is sitting with Bebe in the dining room, helping him eat his dinner. Ginger the dog is anxiously attending to Bebe's movements, waiting for a stray crumb.

DING-DONG!

Ginger sets off into a manic burst of barking - which, from an 88 pound dog, is loud and alarming.  Bebe, startled, bursts into tears.  MF hurries to the door, grabs Ginger by the collar, and attempts to crack open the door just enough to converse with whomever's outside.

Charity Worker:  Hello, my name is Sandra and I'm with Save the Snails.  I'm here to talk with you about the important place snails have in our ecosystem and what you can do to ensure that they maintain their rightful place in the digestive pecking order.  The continuation of the snail species is important to you, right?

MF (struggling to restrain Ginger from giving Charity Worker a tongue bath, while also checking to make sure shrieking Bebe is not falling from his high chair in hysterics):  SHHHH Ginger!  Hi, I'm sorry, but this is not a good time, my son is having his dinner.

Charity Worker:  Oh! Okay, no problem, I can come back...later tonight.  I'll be in the neighborhood until 9:00 pm.  When is a good time for you?

MF (dumbfounded):  Umm, no I'm sorry.  Tonight is not a good time.

Charity Worker:  Well, tonight's the only night I'll be in the neighborhood.  (Turns on her heel.) Snail-killer.

Charities, listen to me here.  This is NOT the way to get people to support your cause.  I suspect it's not doing much to pad your coffers, either.  Most of us folks think of our home as our sanctuary.  We do not want to engage in a conversation on our front porch with a complete stranger who is trying to brow beat us into giving up our money to a cause that we have given no thought to prior to them setting foot on our doorstep. 

Secondly, if you must send representatives out into the neighborhood to solicit funds, then instruct them that no means NO.  Do not encourage them to ask me if I'm really sure I want to see the snail species die off, or perhaps I can scrounge up a mere dollar a day to donate to snail saving research.  I said no, and I mean no. 

Finally, do not come to my house on a weeknight.  Ever.  I arrive home from work looking to relax and put the stress of the day behind me.  I do not appreciate having my evening routine interrupted.  You may solicit my attention and possible donations from 11:00 am - 2:00 on Saturday or Sunday.  I may or may not be home, in which case, you are welcome to leave a flyer.


Better yet, don't stop by, leave flyers, OR call me.  I'll call you, if I decide to help save those snails.

The Modern Femme lives!

My dearest readers.  WHERE have I been?

Please forgive my long absence.  I've been here, in the ether, but bogged down with uninteresting to-do lists (some of which I will post about later!) and other assorted odds and ends.   But who cares about me, how are YOU?

Since I last posted, here are some snippets of what I've been up to since February (mon Dieu!):

I enjoyed the one snowfall we received this winter, a light dusting at best.
 

No snowmaggedon for us this year.

Mr. MF, Bebe and I went to the National Aquarium - which is rather underwhelming, I must admit - and enjoyed watching Bebe experience his first fish sighting.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

I was delighted to see a new restaurant was opening in my neighborhood...

Les Fruits de Mer - be still my beating heart!

...and subsequently was delighted to eat there, thanks to the Maman and Papa of Modern Femme.  Merci buckets, mes parents!

Spring brought her own delights...

Curvy pink blossoms and linear marble.

Including picking out an adorable easter outfit for Bebe...

One is never too young to sport a blazer for holidays.

And preparing for someone's first birthday party!



Turning one is hard work! Thank goodness for this tower of cupcakes.

 The birthday presents Bebe received were all wonderful, especially this fun nylon tunnel.

Is that a light at the end of the tunnel, or is it Daddy?

Summer is bringing its own glorious diversions, like family strolls along the Billy Goat Trail...

Onwards, my men.

More pedantic (but no less exciting) things like a Costco near my house!

Gogo Squeeze - the snack of infant champions.

And, finally, this summer is witnessing Bebe's creative wearing of socks.

This is how we do footwear in Chez MF.

 My dear readers, I hope this post helps to smooth over my absence.  As you can see, there's been lots of fun and some work going on!  But never fear, the posts, they are a'coming.  With my new schedule (more to come on that), you can plan on two to three new posts a week.  Thanks for checking in and, naturellement, coming back.

Kisses!
MF

Modern Femme loves...Hermes scarves

My family members are devotees of Hermes.  The men love the ties, the women the scarves.  None are ever discarded, we pass them down generation to generation.  I have some of my grandmother's scarves in icy blue and dusty olive, my husband has a cheerful assortment of my (now retired) father's ties.

Besides their swoon-inducing colors and designs, Hermes scarves can be all the accessory a lady needs.  In a perfect world, where I would have closets full of Hermes scarves, I would only need one dress, five scarves, and some matching heels for a different look every day of the week.    

A sheath and her scarves by modernfemme featuring silk scarves

And sometimes an Hermes scarf is more than just a scarf.  Look at the delightful transformations of these French masterpieces:

 

Bisous mes cheries,

MF

Modern Femme loves (she thinks)...Google Glass

My brother-in-law sent me this video for Google's latest innovation.  It's amazing to watch - the rapid advances of  technology are marvelous and slightly terrifying.  I can still remember writing letters to my college roommates, in that dark era before email and cell phones.  Will we all eventually become like the Borg, with technology embedded into our very senses?  Is resistance futile?  I'm not sure that I would mind, after watching this video.

Quick and easy marinade

Y'all - I made this marinade at 6:00 am this morning - its easy and fast to assemble, and fabulous with beef on the grill. You probably already have at least 4 of the 6 ingredients in your pantry:

2-3 cloves garlic, minced
1 tablespoon minced rosemary
2 teaspoons minced thyme
1/4 cup red wine
1/4 cup olive oil
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
Pinch salt

Throw these ingredients together in a ziploc bag, and marinate (in the fridge) your choice of beef for 8 hours, or up to 2 days.

When ready to grill, remove beef from its happy liquid haven, and discard marinade.

Ta da!

Lessons from Lent: on sacrifice and humility

I want to tell you all about a lesson I've learned over the last week about the right and wrong way to make a decision about sacrificing something, and how important humility is in that decision.  I'm going to tell it through the lens of Lent.  But before I get going I want to issue this disclaimer:  I haven't spoken about my faith before because I strive to keep this blog relatively light-hearted, and because I believe that we each have a unique relationship to our existence, and the right to interpret that existence (atheist, agnostic, believer) in whichever way we choose.  M'kay? Let's all be friends.

Anyway, let me get on with it - Wednesday of last week was the start of Lent, which is a solemn time of 40 days of fasting/sacrifice, prayer and reflection in the Christian Church.   Last Wednesday, I impulsively decided that for my Lenten sacrifice I would give up my nightly cocktail, and then announced my decision on Facebook for all my friends and family to see.  While I had good intentions, I realize now that I made that decision for all the wrong reasons.

(Wrong) Reason #1: While this was a worthy gesture of Lenten fasting because I really LIKE my glass of wine or beer each night, when I made my decision public, it went from being something that should have been quiet, internal, and contemplative to a big deal, with a fair share of boastfulness and swagger.  

(Wrong) Reason #2:  Instead of thinking about the spiritual and emotional benefits I would gain from participating in this sacrificial gesture, I focused on my pride - anticipating murmurs of approval from family members, and even going so far as to think, "ohhh I bet I'll lose some weight, I should weigh myself at the start of the 40 days and again at the end and see if I'm down a few pounds."   (In case you haven't guessed, this is not the point of Lent.)

I'll spare you the suspense - it's probably not a big surprise to hear that in the past week I succumbed to temptation and had a glass of wine (or two).  Trust me, it was a glass of wine with a lot of baggage and all of it was prideful.   From the my first sip I was thinking "what will others think?  Will they be scornful of my weak will?  Will they say cruel or hurtful or judgemental things?  Will I look like a fool for having made this a big deal publicly?"  Again, NOT the point of Lent.  (Thank goodness for forgiveness - I'll get 'em next year, J!)

But, sacrifices - rightly or wrongly made - don't just happen at Lent.  A sacrifice doesn't have to be tied to a spiritual practice.  We all make sacrifices everyday - we sacrifice eating food we love to go on diets, we sacrifice our beloved wine or beer to go on the wagon, we sacrifice our fun diversions by trying to not spend so much money, we sacrifice sleep to exercise, or sacrifice time to ourselves to volunteer in our communities or do things for our family members or friends.  Maybe you haven't thought about it this way before, but making a decision to diet or start a new routine is a form of sacrifice. 

And here's what I've learned:  Any sacrifice, whether it be abstaining from something (dieting, giving up something you like to do), or adding something new to your life (a workout regime, volunteering your time), that comes from a boastful or prideful place is doomed to eventual failure because you aren't doing it for yourself.  You're doing it for the attention and admiration from others. 

In other words, if you're considering starting up an intense workout regime because it's badass and other people will admire your dedication, hold on.  If you're looking in the mirror and wanting to diet because you want people tripping all over themselves to tell you how gorgeous you look, wait.  If you're thinking about volunteering somewhere because you want to be known as the really generous, big-hearted community member, back it up.  All of those reasons have nothing to do with you.  You are making a decision to sacrifice something to gain the approval of others.  And let me tell you - cause I know from immediate experience - that dog won't hunt. 

So my dears, if you decide to make a sacrifice - whether it be starting a workout routine...or diet...or abstaining from something...or volunteering your time, do it because it will make you, and you alone happy.  As in, you'd be okay with no one ever knowing that you were waking up at 4:00am to run, or only eating whole grains and lean protein, or heading up the staff at your local food kitchen.  You would know, and that humble knowledge would be enough - in fact it would be more than enough.  That is the lesson that I learned this week.

Photo by davidh_

 
Imperfectly yours,
xoxo
MF

Today's Modern Femme: Malonda

My dears - it's been a while since I've posted on the "Today's Modern Femme" series, but yay, we're back!  The only thing fiercer than the wind on my walk to drop Bebe off at daycare this morning was the fabulous Malonda.  As I gritted my teeth against the freezing cold, I saw her statuesque figure and fantastic hair, and knew that nothing short of frostbite and hypothermia would keep me from interviewing her for y'all. 

Malonda isn't just striking on the outside - she's a creative and entrepreneurial force! Here's what the author, host, spokesperson and model had to say about her winter beauty routine, anticipated spring fashion, and the perfect menu to serve during the Oscars....

MF:  Hi Malonda!  What are you wearing?

Malonda: Hi Libbet, I am wearing Gucci shades,  Bamboolze Ear Spears, Boden leather boots, CJ by Cookie Johnson velvet pants, a Francesco Biasia leather purse and a wool Ben Sherman coat.

  

MF:  I don't know about you, but this winter weather is brutal on my skin.  Do you have any products or routines that are a must for your winter beauty regimen?

Malonda: Winter is brutal and is important to moisturize, moisturize and moisturize some more. It is also important to drink lots of good water (alkaline if possible), drink fresh juice, eat fresh fruits and vegetables and get as much rest as possible. In terms of my actual skin care regimen I produce an all natural and organic body product line called Ellie Oliver (www.ellieoliver.com) which I named after my Great-Grandparents Ellie and Oliver Richard. I use all of my own products because they are created with premium ingredients and work so well.

Recently I started to cleanse my face with a new product that I recently developed - Aunt Gladys Get Pretty Skin Oil which is so amazing! Sometimes I use the oil alone with water or I mix it with my Aunt Gladys Get Pretty Skin Cleansing Grains for an added benefit because the grains act as a gentle exfoliant. Next I follow up with a little of the Get Pretty Skin Oil or my Get Pretty Skin Butter. This cleansing routine along with a weekly Get Pretty Skin Facial Steam helps to give me the glow that I need to feel fabulous. I also drink my Get Pretty Skin Tea because it takes care of my skin from the inside. I will be 41 years old on March 21st of this year and it is important for me to take better care of my skin so that I can age gracefully. I have clients of all ages and all of them rave about the instant glow that they get all year round from using my Aunt Gladys Get Pretty Skin products which can be found online at www.ellieoliver.com. My Get Pretty Skin Oil is not available online yet but it will be soon. If anyone is interested they can contact me via malondarichardsia@gmail.com.

MF:   A beauty and an entreprenuer, you are an amazing Modern Femme!  Now tell me, spring is approaching - what are you most looking forward to, sartorially-speaking?

Malonda: I am looking forward to finding contemporary African graphic prints to mix with rare vintage finds. One of my favorite things about spring is being able to wear bright handbags and bold accessories to communicate my bold approach to fashion.

 MF:  I'm having an Oscar party.  What should I feed my fabulous guests - finger food or a sit-down meal?  Any recipe recommendations?

Malonda:  You should feed your guests some fabulous vegan /vegetarian finger foods coupled with vegan desserts that will have them asking for the recipes. You can choose your favorite films from the nominations and name the dishes after them or you could create a unique dish and name them after your top picks.

Visit pinterest.com for delicious /fabulous recipe ideas. Here are a few that I would recommend.

Strawberry Love Juice

2 pints of fresh strawberries (save enough to use on top of glass)
3-4 lemons (peeled if not organic)
1/4 cup of agave nectar
1 medium piece of ginger (size of your pinkie finger)
40 oz of spring water
star shaped ice (use a silicon mold and fill with spring water - for added style you can add pieces of lemon rind and or strawberries for extra flare)

Juice the strawberries and lemons in a juicer and pour the mixture into pitcher of cold spring water and ice. Serve chilled with star ice cubes with a slice of strawberry in fancy tall glasses.

Or buy store bought lemonade, crush strawberries and pour the mixture together
and serve chilled  with star cubes with a slice of strawberry in fancy tall glasses.

Stuffed Mini Mushrooms with Shredded Beets

1 pint of Bella mushrooms
Amino Acids
Beets
Store bought Hummus
dried Basil

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Rinse the bella mushrooms and  put them onto a parchment paper on a cookie sheet pan. Fill mushrooms with amino acids and bake until dark brown (usually 20-25 min). While the mushrooms are baking shred the beets with a julienne peeler and place in a small bowl.

Once the mushrooms have cooled put them on a large white dish or any fancy dish you have and fill them with a teaspoon of hummus, top with basil and the shredded beets.

Sweet and Salty Vegetables
Fresh or Frozen vegetables
Coconut Oil
Pink Himalayan Salt

Steam vegetable medley in a steamer or on a stovetop steamer. Once cooked put the medley into a large ceramic bowl and top with 2-3 tbsps of coconut oil.

Sprinkle some pink himalayan salt over top of the vegetables.  Put vegetables in small / medium sized white ceramic containers

Crunchy Caramel Popcorn:
Popcorn
Pink himalyan salt
1/4 cup of coconut sugar
1/4 cup of agave nectar

Pour 4 tbsps of popcorn in a pot and cover the popcorn with coconut oil. After pop corn is popped set the pot to the side.

Heat agave nectar on low heat. Mix in brown sugar and stir until it is a syrup. Pour over popcorn and gently mix until all of the popcorn is covered.

Set up popcorn station with additional toppings in small white ceramic containers.

topping #1: vegan chocolate
topping #2: salted peanuts
topping #3: vegan marshmallows

Lemon Love:
Serve lemon sorbet in mini glasses topped with fresh raspberries

Many thanks to the amazing Malonda for all her recommendations and links!  If you covet Malonda's look, check out these pieces:

I hope you all have a fantastic day, and I will be eager to hear if any of you give Malonda's skincare line or recipes a try!

xoxox,
MF

Forget Cupid, love thyself!

My mother refers to Valentine's day as a "Hallmark Holiday."  As in, Hallmark makes a lot of money off of feverishly promoting February 14th.  As does Kay's Jewelers, Hersheys, 1-800-Flowers, and lingere stores everywhere.

Those who scorn the holiday say that it's lame to have one day where we march in lock step, buying the chocolates and flowers, arranging the dinners and gifts, declaring our love via credit card.  Shouldn't every day be a day worthy of gestures of love? If there's yearning behind the scorn, it's concealed from public eyes.

I agree that every day should be a day where love is celebrated, and yes, I do think that the chocolate, flower, and card companies seek to promote this day to pad their coffers.

But what's wrong with a little celebration of love, folks?   It shouldn't matter whether you're single or coupled, or in-love or out-of-love with another.  There's one person that we all have in common, someone who can always be the subject of our affection on Valentines day...

Ourselves.

Here's my proposal for Valentines day: love and pamper yourself! Whether you're single or coupled, this Thursday embrace the day as an opportunity to declare your affection for yourself.  Here are some ideas of a Valentines day gift to you, from you:

Option 1.  Take the day off from work.  Call in sick, or burn some annual leave.  Then...

A) Go see that movie that you've been meaning to catch (I would love to see this, this, or this.) While you're at the theater, buy an enormous tub of popcorn and a box of candy and eat as much as you can. 

B) Schedule a spa day.  Go all out - pamper yourself, cause you're worth it - massages, facials, mani/pedis.  Book them back to back, drink cucumber water and lounge around in your robe.

C) Stay home and watch tv all day in your pajamas.  Really get into it - I'm talking a marathon movie day, like Bond, Twillight, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Tyler Perry's Madea collection, you name it.  Be sure to take breaks for take-out, like pizza or Chinese, and be sure to eat at least one pint of ice cream.  Wash it down with a split of expensive champagne.

Option 2.  Go to work, but...

A)  Schedule a lunch date with friends.  Live on the wild side and have a glass of champagne at lunch.  Have everyone bring a gag gift and open them at the table.

B) Buy yourself flowers.  Go over the top - if you want purple peonies and yellow lilies, splurge and get them.  Put them somewhere front and center where you will be able to see and smell them all day.

C)  Have a dinner party - Nigella Lawson has a menu all ready for you.  Instruct your guests to wear red or pink.  Make little crafty party decorations, play some party games, and celebrate a love that deserves recognition - friendship.

Option 3.  When all else fails...

A) Buy yourself a little something.  Be terrifically impractical.  Perhaps a set of black lace unmentionables, to bring a sly smile to your face.  Or a comfortable pair of pajamas, with sweet pink piping, to make you feel like Doris Day.  Maybe you've always wanted to lounge about in the morning in a silk robe, drinking a strong cup of coffee with your feet coquettishly curled underneath you.  Or channel your inner Marilyn Monroe, and wear some Chanel No. 5 to bed...and nothing else.  Blow your budget out of the water, and show the world who you adore by slipping a pair of Loubotin pumps on and taking Cupid mid-stride.  Or be direct and to the point, and wear the name of the person who you love (you!) close to your heart, monogrammed in gold.




What ever you choose to do this Valentines day, please remember:

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
- Buddha

and...

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”
- Oscar Wilde

Happy Valentine's Day, my dears.  I hope your February 14th is full of love and affection.

xoxo,
MF

Modern Femme loves....Impulse shopping!!

In approximate 46 hours, Mr. MF, Bebe, and I will be winging our way towards a tropical Caribbean paradise.  This will be the first vacation I've been on since Bebe was born (my last holiday was summer of 2011!), and the first trip out of the country for Bebe.  Mr. MF and I are so excited for some time off, we are practically salivating. 

Yesterday I impulsively let my excitement drive me straight into the arms of H&M, Forever 21, and Zara, where I careened madly from one rack to another, looking for some white capris.  But, as I often do, I allowed my imagination to take over, and inevitably snapped up some additional pieces along the way that I simply had to have for my holiday. For fun, I thought I'd share with you all what went through my mind with each potential purchase, and give you the final "take home or leave in store" verdict:

I start at Forever 21, tearing through the store on a wild goose chase, looking for white pants.  One sales associate tells me "they're on the top floor," where I run into this cardigan:


MF thought process:  "Oh, wow, that's so cute.  It kind of looks like a Chanel jacket.  I would wear this on the way to the Caribbean, over a tee shirt and skinny jeans, and with cute flats.  Very Gwyneth Paltrow.  Yes, I can see it now - I'll be browsing through a magazine kiosk in the departure gate with Bebe in my arms, in this Chanel-lite ensemble, my hair pulled back in a cheeky-messy bun, diamond studs flashing in my ears, and just be the cutest mum ever."

Final verdict:  Looks cute on!  Chanel for the win!  Take home.





Still no white pants to be found on the top floor.  I see this dress on my way to flag down a sales associate. 
 
MF thought process:  "This reminds me of Aureta Thomollari.  I can totally see her wearing something like this with gold sunglasses and glossy pink lips.  It would look so cute on during a day of wandering through the island's market town!  I would channel Aureta's effortless, globetrotting glamour!"

Final verdict:  Uhhh...can't figure out how to put it on.  Interior slip's straps are tangled, leaving me caught up and confused as to which end is up.  My patience wears out - if I can't get the dang thing on after two tries, it's not worth it.  Also, in the harsh light of the dressing room, the print begins to look a little less like Aureta and a little more like Snooki.  Leave in store.

Am told by sales associate that the white pants are in the basement.  No luck there either, but I do glimpse this beaded shift on my way down, no it's not a total loss: 


MF thought process:  "Hello you pretty thing!  This is a perfect shift to wear to a celebratory birthday dinner in the tropics!  The beading makes the dress - I could wear this with white patent sandals, a glossy lip, tanned skin, wavy hair and lots of gold jewelry.  Sharon Stone in Casino meets Jackie O.  Love it!"

Final verdict:  I want this to work, but it's a shapeless mess.  Bags at arm holes, lists around thighs. Sharon and Jackie would not approve.  Leave in store.







I dart to the check out line, both to put myself ahead of the throng headed for the registers and also out of temptation's reach.  But F21 gets me again!  I see this quilted pouch and dive for it before being called to a cashier. 


MF thought process:  "Ohhhhh quilted.  Ohhh patent leather.  I needed something to hold the boys and my passports, and this chic pouch is defnitely big enough to hold all three of them and our airline tickets.  Plus, it's nice and slim, and would look so cosmopolitan peeking out of my Longchamp bag!"

Final verdict:  Take home slam dunk.  Handed over to cashier in a nano-second.







Still unsuccessful in my quest to secure white pants, I head across the street to H&M.  Hey, I'm nothing if not thorough, right?  I fare no better there, but before I give up I am drawn to the shoe rack (like a horse to water), where I see these beauties:


MF thought process:  "Neon pink patent leather ballet flats!  Where have you been all my life? I could wear you on the island with a pair of shorts and a long sleeved striped tee.  OR - I could wear these in the airport on the way home, with a pair of cuffed jeans and a blue striped sweater with gold buttons.  Either way, these shoes were meant to be mine! MY LIFE IS COMPLETE."

Final verdict:  No size 9 shoes.  Wailing insues.  Leave - sob - in store.

Final stop - Zara. I somehow immeadiately find the one pair of white capris they have left, and with laser like focus, try them on.  They fit!  Success! 

So, just to recount, in order to buy a pair of white pants, I went through two dresses, one sweater, one travel pouch, and one - sob - pair of neon pink ballet flats.  I think that's a reasonable process, don't you? 

xoxo,
MF

A Modern Femme commute

Had to share the photo I snapped on my way to work...love that some modern femme commutes to work at the stodgy World Bank on this whimsical bike every morning!

xoxo,
MF

Full disclosure series: The power of choices

Y'all.  I promised you that I would be keeping it real here on Modern Femme.  And let me tell you:

1.  I haven't made my bed in weeks - and the worst part is that I don't care.  Not because I no longer care about the divine pleasure of crisp and perfumed sheets, but because I'm too dang tired. 

2.  Since Mr. MF finished our basement, we've been eating tv in front of the television more often than not...we used to eat at the dining room table with place mats and cloth napkins and candles.  Like grown-ups.

3.  Laundry is my nemesis and never. seems. to. be. done.

4.  I can't find my bluetooth headset.  No idea where it went.  It grew legs and walked away.  This is annoying because I talk to my mother every morning and this morning had to hold the phone to my ear while balancing an umbrella, a glowing green smoothie and two bags on my walk to work.

5.  Work.  Ugh.


I could go on...but I'm going to stop there.  No one likes a big whiner.

You know what?  Maybe, in stopping there, I'll take a step back and look at the story I just told you all.  Those five points are definitely a "glass half empty" view on my day-to-day.   I wonder, what if I flipped my perspective?  What if, instead of complaining and being a victim of my life, I presented the above situations as the results of choices I've made? After all, as Claire said in her Embracing Change post, you always have a choice:

1.  For the past few weeks, I've made the choice to sleep in an extra 10 minutes in a warm toasty bed, instead of making the bed. 

2. I make the choice at night to eat dinner out of a bowl on the couch with my husband, laughing together at bad tv, enjoying our new family room, rather than sitting down at the dining room table. 

3.  Maybe laundry never seems to be done because I'm always doing a load of laundry, since the washer and dryer are easily accessible from our new family room.  But, I haven't run out of undergarments, and I always have clean clothes for Bebe.  I'm just choosing to look at it as a glass-half empty situation.

4.  I made the (foolish) choice to absent-mindedly stash my bluetooth somewhere obscure, and I keep making the choice to not tear the house apart looking for it.  Instead, I often opt for another glass of wine and television surfing with the hubs, which, let's be honest, is a nicer way to unwind than hunting high and low for a small earpiece.

5.  This is the biggest choice that I make, over and over again, everyday.  I choose to come into a job that I know that I've grown out of, that doesn't capitalize on my talents, and that leaves me drained.  I make a choice to complain about it instead of proactively doing something about it.  I make a choice to shy away from considering what I might really want to do, because of my nasty inner critic's monologue (you might be familiar with it "it won't work...stay with what's safe...you'd never be good at that...you'd hate that eventually...).  But in knowing this, I am in control of this situation, and I need my next choice to be what I'm going to do to change it.

Wow.  That was really powerful for me, guys.  I started this blog post feeling sorry for myself, but now I'm feeling a little more empowered.  I think I'm onto something here.  Thanks Claire!

Imperfectly yours,
xoxo,
MF

The Embracing Change Series - Rolling with Unexpected Change: Claire's Story

Happy 2013 all!  I’m excited to start off 2013 by returning to our Embracing Change series.

The last two posts in the Embracing Change series have focused on women who sought out change in their own lives.  Today’s post features Claire, a consummate “five-year” planner and academic into whose life walked an unplanned change agent, in the form of a US Naval Officer.  The romance that sparked and blossomed between the PhD and the sailor was not something that Claire had planned on, but after  years of a long-distance courtship, thousands of miles of driving and flying, and hours of phone calls, the two wed down the road from the restaurant where they first met.  And as she tells us below, over the years of courtship and subsequent years of marriage, Claire has learned to loosen her grip on her five-year plan, embrace flexibility, and be open to multiple possibilities for the future.

MF:  Hi Claire!  Thanks for agreeing to be interviewed for this series.  Can you tell our readers a little bit about the change that life presented to you?

I am married to a military officer, and since we’ve been married we’ve moved to a different state every two years.  Our biggest move was in early 2012, when we moved from the Northeast (where I have lived for most of my life) to the Pacific Northwest – a process that involved living in four homes on two coasts over the course of eight months!  

This also meant that I stopped working and taking classes, and came to an area of the country where I did not have any established personal, professional, or academic networks.  I am planning to go back to work, recently obtained my professional state license, and am slowly starting to establish a professional network here.  Still, it’s been a huge adjustment to go from having a full work/school schedule that took up 50+ hours of my week to being a primarily stay at home partner.


Packed up and ready to leave Claire's East Coast home...

...for her new West Coast location.

MF: That’s quite a change!  What strategies do you recommend to deal with changes in your life that you haven’t initiated?

For me, it’s keeping the perspective that it’s not a situation that was thrust upon me without my consent.  I think often times, when a situation isn’t ideal or is limited in its options, it’s easy to see it as “no way out” or feel a bit like a martyr – but in reality, there are options, they just may come with other consequences that are more undesirable. 

If the most important thing for me was to stay in the Northeast, then I could have decided not to move, but that would brought its own consequences such as an unhappy partner, expenses of two living quarters, and potential marital discord.  I would rather be with my husband than suffer the consequences of refusing to move across the country. I chose to marry someone who serves the military, and everyday, I choose to stay in that marriage, which I know comes with many moves.  When I look at it from that big picture, I’m very much an active participant in choosing our lifestyle of change.  And with that as my framework, we are playing the best hand with the cards we were dealt, so to speak.

MF:  That’s a great – and empowering - perspective to have!  As a follow-on to that positive outlook, do you think there can be a silver lining to the unexpected changes life can present?

I think it can help broaden your perspective.  Change inherently shakes up the status quo, and my understanding of what is “normal” becomes wider with each new situation.  I’m also learning to become more flexible in thinking about what the future might hold.

At the same time, I value what remains constant in my life despite the changes: my spouse, who lets me make as many decisions as I can so that I can be an active participant in the change; relatives who welcome us when we manage to be there for holidays and send us cards and gifts when we cannot, so we still feel included no matter what; friends who come visit each time I move to a new place, and friends who aren’t phased by long absences in communication; my cell phone number, which I’ve had now for over a decade (trust me, this is invaluable when you move as often as we do).

MF:  Now, for a little more self-reflection.  Did anything surprise you when you were dealing with/adjusting to the change?

I am terrible with spare time!

Also, apparently, running out of cardboard boxes or misplacing my packing-tape gun is my emotional demise. (That may have been the low point, during the move from house one to house two.)  However, two weeks into being at house three and being nearly unpacked, finding out that we have to move again two weeks later to house four, did not break me.  The take-home? As long as I have the correct tools and supplies, I don’t mind tackling huge tasks.

MF:  Packing-tape gun lessons aside, is there anything you would have done differently?

It’s hard to predict what life will be like when you move somewhere totally unknown - what kind of jobs are available?  What will the commute be like?  Where will you live?  Where will you go for grocery/dry cleaning/auto repair/etc.?  How will you make friends?

A collection of hotel room keys from Claire's cross-country trip.

Even with a lot of research and a few helpful friends giving us advice, we still are finding things that we would do differently if we did had to do this exact move over again.  Our neighborhood is nice, but now that we know the area better, there are other places we’d prefer to live.  (Check in with me in six months to see if we’re moving again when the lease is up…)  There are established means within the military to meet other families, and while it’s not the same as living near close friends, it certainly helps; I’m also slowly getting to know non-military people.  There are projects and trainings I think I could have done while I was working on the east coast, which perhaps would have helped me to start networking professionally out here.  But this is all in hindsight – we only had a couple of months notice before we knew for sure that we were moving to the Northwest, so in reality, there was very little time to do much planning.

MF: What advice do you have for people facing change in their lives?

Know that change, whether it’s good or bad, can be stressful, and don’t give yourself a hard time if you find it to be a challenge.  Sometimes, you might not be happy, or you might find something to be difficult, but it might not necessarily mean that something is “wrong.”

Not being happy, I think, is different from being unhappy – I don’t think the two emotions are mutually exclusive.  As you encounter and become adjusted to change, if you find yourself thinking, “I’m not as happy as I could/want to be,” don’t jump to the conclusion that it means you are unhappy.  Think of it as a process of building back up to a place you want to eventually reach.  And if you are having a bad day, acknowledge it for what it is – one day that didn’t go very well. 



Claire's view from her home office on the East Coast....



...and her view from her home office on the West Coast.

MF: Any other thoughts you’d like to share?

Lest you think that this is an interview where wisdom is being dispensed from someone who embraces the changes with the zen attitude of a Buddha, I assure you that is not the case.  I wish a lot of things were different: that it wasn’t so rainy in this part of the country; that the Northeast wasn’t a six hour flight away; that this town had a Chinese restaurant (No, really. We have Thai, Indian, Japanese, but no Chinese???); that I was still working at my old job, and still taking classes at my old school; that it’s easier to find a job; that someone would fold my laundry; that change wouldn’t be so hard.  But I’ve known people who get stuck in a rut focusing on the change that they didn’t want to happen to them, and experiencing the situation as something they must suffer through; they seem stuck in “I can’t” and “it’s impossible” and “I have to,” and I know that I don’t want to get stuck there.



Many thanks to Claire for sharing her story with us.  If you are in a similar situation as Claire and find yourself dealing with a change you didn't initiate, I hope her message of empowerment inspires you as much as it did me!

xoxo,
MF